Goodbyes

This weekend was a difficult one because it brought the end of our time with Jessica and Evan.  After 16 months of ups and downs with two teenagers in the house came a bittersweet ending.  They are now living full-time at their mother's house during their trial placement.  We reconvene on November 2nd as a team to discuss how everyone is doing with the change.  The final permanency hearing is December 15th, so the reports from social services, therapists, CASA worker, attorney ad litem, etc. need to be turned in by November 15th.  This gives everyone very little time to figure out if the placement will be successful, but it is something that needed to be done.

So, during the last few weeks of family therapy we've done a lot of talking about how everyone feels about the change, what we appreciate about each other, what we will miss, and how we will keep in touch.  These sessions have been very draining and emotional, but much needed at the same time.  I'm happy that the kids are leaving us knowing exactly how much we love and care about them. And, at least in the short term we will be spending a few hours with the kids every Monday and Thursday.  Evan has wrestling from 6:00-8:00, so they will ride the bus to our house and Jess will hang out from 4:00-8:00 and Evan will hang out before practice.  I think this will be a good transition time for all of us.  If nothing goes dramatically wrong at their mother's house, then they will be staying there permanently.

We've made it more than clear that we are going to be here for the kids no matter what.  Our door will always be open if they need us.  I know it is hard for them to ask for help, but I am hoping that they do when they need it.

It is amazing how much they have changed since they first arrived.  Jess is now 14 and Evan is 16, driving with his learner's permit.  Oh, what fun that has been!  I thought we might die on 250 a few times;)  Rich was much more of the "sink or swim" mentality while I was focused on teaching him the basics in the neighborhood!

Both Jess and Evan went from grades that were fair at best, sometimes even bringing home one-legged A's, to Evan being on honor roll and Jess bring home a 2.9 GPA this 6 weeks.  We are so proud of all of their hard work and the pride that they now have when they complete their work.  Beyond that, the pride that they have in themselves when they accomplish something new like learning how to sharpen blades, working on motorcycles, lifting weights, baking brownies, and writing thank you notes is really what you want to see as your child grows up.

The character that we have watched emerge from these two is amazing.  As we state all the time, "Everyone makes mistakes, but they do not define you."  There have been plenty of bumps in the road, things thrown across the room, screaming and yelling hurtful words, but when it comes down to it those are not the things that define Jess and Evan.  The times that Jess is up baking until 10 pm for one of her friends who had a tough day or making a birthday card for a teacher that she couldn't get along with until the end of the year are the things that define who she is as a person.  The times that Evan stood up as the man of the house when Rich was at Carol's, the times when he would unselfishly play with Hailey for hours on end, and the times when he would do chores without being asked all define what a nice young man he has become.

This morning it was difficult to walk the dogs knowing that Jessica's light wouldn't be on and that Evan wouldn't be up eating last night's leftovers for dinner.  I will miss Jessica's infectious laughter, "lightning and thunder" (her biceps!), our WWF living room matches, her forgetful memory;), her baking, and her love of Jackal McSchmackal.  Poor guy didn't even want to eat his breakfast without her this morning. I will miss Evan's over confident sarcastic remarks, his daily debates over just about anything, yelling at the PS3 while playing online, his ambivalence towards most decisions, and his eagerness to learn how to use things in Rich's shop.  Although it may be tough right now, Rich and I know that this is not the end of our relationship with these two.

What a good looking family!